I'm afraid to start even writing this. I've sat here for about five min now staring at a blank screen. Trying with all my might to even come up with a title for all that is running through my mind. How do you condense everything you want to say into a sentence? How do I grab a hold of you and get your attention? What is it that will touch you? What is it that will make you love me unconditionally? Or are you already loving me unconditionally and I am to blind to see it? If I am blind to see it what does that say about me? Do I really want to know? *laughs* I keep hearing in my mind, " Once you know you can never un-know." I already know too much, do I really want to keep inundating myself with knowing?
Sometimes I just want to sleep. To close my eyes to the world, in a place that smells like Water Lilly, to bury myself in the sound of running water, letting it cleanse me body, mind and soul. To squish my toes into velvety thick moss as the tingle of energy spreads up my legs and to just be....with no thought...being. Here I am nameless. Here I am faceless. Here....I AM.
The more I am quiet the louder things get. Chaos. I find myself wanting to create...order? I am not sure...that is a new understanding for me...that feeling. I don't mean...actually I am not entirely sure, what I mean. Creation....it is after all what we do isn't it? We are Creators in every aspect of our lives...even in the lives of others we create. We even get to choose what we create....Love, whispers, hate, anger, laughter, homes, buildings, machines, everything. It is part of our seed, our makeup, our existence.
I sometimes feel like what the first thought of consciousness felt like, or what comes to my mind when I think of that action happening. Surrounded by nothingness, black matter all around you, smothering you...this tiny spark of realization pushing against the viscidity of space like a hand against a stretchy fabric...the first thought being formed....being birthed. Realization. I am being Realized.
